Alrightee then. It has been awhile. I'm new at this writing thang (yeah be quiet all you smart asses-I know it shows).
Apparently, my relationship with writing, my mojo, steps out on me in the winter.
I guess that is how I roll.
But I've been thinking about you a lot.
I've missed you.
You've been on my mind, and I've sat down a couple times to write to you, but I don't know where to start.
I haven't been cheating, honestly.
There isn't anyone else.
It's not you. It's me.
So last night, before the new day had begun, I was lying wide awake, in my bed, staring at the dark ceiling and listening to my sick/sleeping/coughing/snoring husband catching Zs. It's one of the things I do at night, instead of sleep.
Those who sleep are weak - I think Confucius said that. Or maybe just me. But, anyway, I've adopted this stance because I can no longer think clearly.
As I lay there, I thought of something funny. I started to laugh, and then stopped short. Jeez, I might wake him up. I really did think that -- I'm nice like that. Sometimes. Even though at that moment I happened to be awake and not of my own accord. In the early morning hours. Dark outside. It's dark and I'm awake. !@#%!
So, I'm laughing out loud (lol, people, lol). I quickly curled up in a ball, pulled the covers over my head and giggled. Then I laughed more because I was laughing under the covers. Absurd. Absurdly funny. Now, I don't make a habit of laughing under the covers. Mind you, that can be hurtful - to others. Made me laugh even more.
I had Mojo. It was back.
I would share with you what was so funny but I have forgotten. Tbh, I forgot what I was thinking just like 5 minutes later because that is what happens when you are sleep depraved (no, I meant depraved, not deprived. Depraved is closer to where I live). "Hahahaha" I think in my crazy-tired brain
But, I couldn't stop- I couldn't shut it down. I was so happy to be giggling at the oh-so-funny thought in bed that I wanted to dance a jig. You know, quietly and in slow motion under the covers. Throw out a horizontal running man or sprinkler move.
My little snicker-fit was quite a change from the moment before. I've had been a rough go of it lately. Moments earlier I was a bit, how do say, homocidal? 7-20 sleepless nights, who can count anymore? Maybe it was the snoring. Or maybe the coughing. And then the snoring. And the fact he was sleeping....and I was not.
But now I was so concerned about waking him with my seizure -like activities, that I deftly scrambled out of bed before I peed myself. Went to the bathroom (priority) and slipped downstairs. No wakey -- he sleeps on- damn him.
But, no, that's good.
But, damn him.
(Can you say Sybil?)
Just a snore and a snort, but no wakey.
I was so excited.
And the feeling was STILL there as I twinkle toed down those creaking stairs.
Someone was knocking at the door in my idea-brain. I suddenly had an appointment to keep, and it couldn't wait. No reservations, first come first serve. Heeeerrrrrreee's Johnny.
Wait. Wait.
Need coffee. Got coffee.
At the computer, getting settled.
Hungry cat. Fed cat.
On my way to the den....
Dog on my heels speaking "Scooby" - the language of pee. Let dog out.
omg. I am gritting my teeth as I sip my coffee. (Don't do that, by the way, it makes a mess.)
Jeez, I have to make this happen before my husband wakes up. I wipe up my mess.
Watch dog dig holes to faraway places, and leap happily about the yard. Call dog, but casually because if I really want her in, she won't come. It's just getting more and more complicated. Lord.
Yell at dog in a suppressed kind of way.
Wait.
Yell at dog again. Stomp outside in thin cotton jammies and robe to yell at dog at close range.
Dog finally back in.
Jesus Christ. Help me.
Husband asks for coffee. Ahh Jeez. Got coffee.
Back in the computer room, I shut the door. I'm alone. I begin by logging into my own secret world. I smile, knowing what should happen next. I start to type. Hahaha. I'm laughing like a crazy lady (only on the inside -- you never let the people see Crazy). Hahahaha. I'm going to keep the appointment!
thump thump thumpity thump. thump. Teen daughter tears down the stairs yelling at me, (aka her personal human alarm clock and whipping-boy extraordinaire), about my obvious job inadequacies.
Grit teeth, but smile like Mary Poppins.
Make lunch for fair-haired witch-girl and send her off on her broom-I mean, her ride - to school.
Stomp into the computer room. The whole world is freakin awake. Sassafrassin rootin tootin....
And it was gone. My Mojo had left the building without a "how do you do". He'd slipped into my bed, got me excited, and then was gone before I got what I needed. Now I know my hair was sticking up and my robe had coffee on the front, but Really?
I've heard that people are more creative when they are sleep deprived.
Welll then, here I come Leno.
Really, I just want to be friends. I think we were getting too serious too fast.
